You Can’t Regret (although you do)
You can’t regret not becoming who you are much earlier (although you do) Because you couldn’t have been the person you are now Even though the foundational 'you' was always there Even though time has been lost in the interim (a lot of time) Although not really lost because it has led to the current point And even the 'lost' years had their own logic You can’t self-blame for much of what went wrong (and a lot did) Because you were up against it Against the confines of what led to being lost Which were not of your knowledge (much less your making) It’s not about evading responsibility although it will be read that way by some and to a degree with justification It’s more (or is it less?) than that as well You, like others, were a latecomer on the scene Despite the cultural myths (and they are myths) Of self-invention Belief that you are the author of (rather than often unwitting co-contributor to) Your 'own' story Myths which took years to see through When so much depended all that time on not recognising that relationality rules And that self is the residue, if not sole product, of interactions Of experience. Myths which took years to discern through the fog and deflection of cognitive inquiry which seemed to hold out answers but which often asked the wrong questions. Life escapes all the categories Which is less justification than simple – no complex – reality You can’t regret not seeing and understanding this earlier Given the impacts of such myopia You can’t regret that some truths have to play out in deeply regrettable ways Before being recognized You can’t regret what life entails when those are the terms on which it is offered (although you do)
12 May 2020